Managing Life in a Miserable Marriage

As I serve in ministry trying to help people to live the best life that they possibly can through Christ, one of the challenges that I have found facing many is the question of how to manage life while experiencing a miserable marriage. I'll admit that living in a hostile environment can have a way of sapping the enthusiasm out of you like joining the positive and negative posts of a car battery but I'd like to submit to you that there are ways to rise above any circumstance. When we think of experiencing "New Life" we tend to think that we'll attain a position in life where all of the hang-ups, and frustrations of our lives will be removed and as such our life will be made new but this is not entirely the case. When we experience new life in Christ on some occasions the frustrations that we experienced before will not change at all but we will change how respond to those frustrations because we will be new. We will have a new attitude, a new demeanor, a new way of handling the things that used to destroy our days, months and years.

As you embark on transforming your life let me suggest that you keep the focus where it needs to be...on God.If you're experiencing a particulary difficult marriage you must remember that your actions are not determined by another person so if your spouse is quarlsome that doesn't give you the right to be quarlsome as well; both will have to stand before God and give an account for their actions so be sure that you don't let your anger, frustration or resentment cause you to focus more on your spouse than you do on God. That, my friend, is idolotry (perhaps "spousiolotry?") and it should not have any place in your new life. if you put things into the proper perspective (God=> spouse=> etc) you will find that although you may be living in a miserable marriage you have the peace and grace to fulfil your purpose even in the midst of difficulty because the bible says that God will keep you in perfect peace if you keep your mind on Him. If you are living without peace, chances are you've stopped focusing on how mighty God is and have begun to focus on how miserable your marriage is.

A marriage is a life-time commitment of fidelity and trust so you must discard any thoughts of divorce or infidelity. Instead, choose to put the marriage where it needs to be... beneath the throne of God. Pray about it and practice your faith in it but DO NOT allow it to be the primary focus of your life. This was not God's intention or design for marriage and if you take it out of this context you are expecting marriage to serve a purpose for which it was not designed. You will not be judged by how your spouse treated you, you will not be judges by how happy you kept them in all situations, the only question that is of any consequence is, "Have you kept your oath of commitment?" Have you protected them? Have you honored them? Have you kept yourself only to them? If so, congrats on a job well done. You may be miserable for the moment but if you'll keep God as the priority and practice your faith in the relationship whether or not they reciprocate or are satisfied you have kept your end of the bargain and I believe that the peace of God can cover your heart as nothing else can. This will help you to avoid the pit of depression and help you to soar toward success even when you lack the support of a loving spouse. That way if God changes their heart and things improve you'll accept the blessing with humble gratitude but if this does not occur you will not have forfeited your destiny based on your feelings because you will have learned how to manage life in a miserable marriage focusing on the faithfulness of your maker. Say amen church!-Amen

There's a difference between wasting time and waiting.

This morning I encountered a moment of discouragement. I wasn't quite sure why because I keep hearing how the on-line ministry has been reaching people for the Lord, opportunities to preach the gospel appear to be opening up each week and my marriage is going great so I was compelled to ask myself the same thing that David asked himself in Psalms 44:11 when he said, "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?" After careful consideration I realized that I was experiencing a bout of insecurity caused by impatience which was trying to usher in discouragement and disappointment by making me forget that there is a difference between wasting time and waiting.

I'm sure that you have goals, dreams, and ambitions as well because most successful people do and there are times when you wonder if your efforts are really making a difference in your pursuit of those dreams but let me encourage you with the fact that as long as you are consistently making steps in the right direction it is only a matter of time before you reach your destination. Yesterday I had the opportunity to travel to Kentucky which required several hours of travel on our part but there was never a moment when I questioned whether we would make it there or not because we had the right driver behind the wheel. This was what he did for a living and I'm sure that he had traveled that route before so there was no need to worry if he could get us to our destination safely and on time even though we didn't know exactly how we were going to get there. Much in the same way, God is able to get you to the place, position and prominence that you are destined to reach during your lifetime if you will simply trust Him as you travel the journey and continue to make forward steps of faith. Being God and knowing everything is what He does and He has probably been where you're heading a thousand times before so you might as well trust Him along the way even when the journey requires some waiting. As long as you are following God's plans for your life you aren't wasting time with your efforts, you're simply waiting to see how they will "work together for your good." (Rom. 8:28) So let me take a moment to tell you the same thing that I had to tell myself this morning, don't get discouraged because you are still waiting on some of the things that you desire to see in your life. Keep walking forward, keep working in faith, and keep waiting on the Father to move on your behalf because there is a BIG difference between wasting time & waiting and believe it or not, sooner or later you're going to wake up and see that your destination is only a few minutes away.

Do Something

Today we’re celebrating a holiday commemorating all that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave to advance the civil rights movement in America. I took advantage of this moment to tour the civil rights museum in Memphis Tennessee for the first time and was moved by the articles, pictures, and mementos that they have on display as a testament to the challenges that African Americans have had to face trying to live out the hope of freedom and equality. As I looked at the pictures of people who were willing to be kicked, lynched, spat upon and tormented without cause for the sake of freedom I was inspired to consider the ways in which I can impact my generation and the generations to come.
I believe that there are injustices and poverty still being experienced on a daily basis by many around the world. The sinfulness of humanity would not allow injustice to be limited solely to racism but this includes the homeless, sick, poor and destitute. I wonder what can be done to assist them and who will be willing to stand up for those causes as well? I realize that the amount of hardship that exists in the world today may cause one to question, “What can I do to stop the cycle? I’m just one person…what can I do to generate real and lasting change?” To that I would say, “You and I cannot do it all, but we can certainly do something.”
As you enjoy the freedom to eat where you would like to eat and live how you would like to live I encourage you to reach out to help others to do the same. You may not be able to help raise every homeless person to a self sufficient state of living but you can certainly do something. You may not be able to help every child achieve their dreams but surely you can do something. You may not be able to turn everything around in a day but today I pray that you would be willing to do something because James 2:17 informs us that “faith without works is dead…” You say that you believe your church can be better, community can be better, marriage can be better, city can be better or nation can be better? GREAT! Now do something.

Who are you really helping?

In the past week I have seen so many people reaching out to help others. This desire is a fantastic display of the love of Christ that the world desperately needs to see. Helping others can be the turning point by which a person accepts Christianity for all that it is due to the genuine love that has been shown through those who carry that name. Although, in my recent efforts to help others and develop large scale projects that will greatly impact the lives of the less fortunate I was faced with a sobering question one afternoon. "Who are you really helping?" In other words, what is your motive behind offering your assistance? Is it so that you can get name recognition as the one who did it? Is it so that you can get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside? Is it so that you can network with other organizations? What is your motive? If your motive is truly to offer assistance to those in need you will not be concerned if people give primarily to your cause as long as they are inspired to give to the cause at large. Recognize that there are probably many other organizations out there that are doing great things and the ultimate objective will sooner come through the collective effort of all of than from the solo efforts of one.

"Give and it will be given back to you" but if you give with a watchful eye on the clock or a publicist ensuring that it will be widely known than you may want to examine your motives. Give in such a way that you are thankful to be a part of a process that is bigger than yourself recognizing that helping others should never be about helping you.

The Bible and Buck Rogers

Last night I was watching the television show Buck Rogers and the 25th Century. I know I'm a little young for the show as it was out years before I was born but the fact that I used to watch re-runs with my dad has always made me appreciate the show. Since Walmart had the boxed set on sale for $15 the charismatic/ pentecostal Christian in me said that it must be the will of the Lord for my life to buy it so I did. (Lol)

About halfway through the first episode I realized how well the storyline had been written because the lead character Buck Rogers had found himself in the challenging position of being surrounded by a throng of enemies. His side-kick had given up hope and as a viewer even I wondered how he could make it out alive until I remembered one simple truth...this was only the first episode. There were 4 more discs of things to watch so even though I didn't know how he was going to make it out I could rest assured that he was definitely going to do so. I believe that this is a clear illustration of the bluff that the world and the enemy try to make toward Christians in that we are tempted on many occassions by many challenges to believe that our stories are over when God has prepared so much more for us to see and do beyond that moment. The moment may be a crushing blow to our finances, a devastating divorce or a tear jerking disappointment but all of us have them.

When we rely on God's Word and trust in God's plans for our lives we can find comfort in the midst of challenges believing that even though we may not know how God's going to work in our lives to accomplish our destiny we can rest assured that God will definitely do so because in the ever popular Romans 8:28 the bible says "All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." Remember that and have more faith in God than I had in Buck Rogers.

-Jessie

GOOD TIMES!

I have been sitting at this computer for the past 5 hours and I don't have any intentions of stopping. Before you judge me please understand that I'm not talking about being irresponsible; these are what you call "good times" and I'm loving it! The weeks are usually spent going and doing but all of us need moments where we sit and just enjoy being alive. Since it's currently 16 degrees outside the decision to do so has some-what been made for me but I'm all for the relaxation. I'm reminded of when the gospel writers speak of how Jesus would often break away from the crowds to spend some time alone and pray or would be in the stern of the boat alone sleeping. How often do you do the same? How often do you allow yourself to just enjoy some time away for yourself? If all you do is give, give, give you will eventually reach a point where you have nothing left to share. Make sometime to relax and enjoy life today because what is the point of having a "new life" if you're not going to enjoy it?

-Jessie